I first noticed him onstage, announcing a band, arms outstretched, face full of confidence; a true performer. I admit I was somewhat captivated. He had that charisma that I have always found more attractive than any amount of muscle or money. After he hopped down and the band began to play, I turned my attention elsewhere.
Later, I wondered to the back looking for a drink and noticed him standing in my path. Rather than disregard him, I decided to say a couple of kind words, to encourage him perhaps. So I mumbled something about him having “great stage presence” and began working my way through the crowd and around him.
He had other plans I suppose, because in an instant he grabbed me and was holding me so close to him that I could feel his heartbeat. I was stunned by his audacity, he was four inches from my face and breathing sex and desire into my ear without breaking eye contact.
“Do you ever want to do something crazy, something totally insane? Something really stupid?” he says. I knew what he was getting at of course…. what he was asking.
I also knew that he was still on stage, that LIFE itself to him is a stage, I looked around for the audience, and found him a couple of feet away, seeming as if he expected to be included somehow. But I was too stunned to be insulted, and he was still holding me close, demanding an answer.
So I told him yes, that everyday I want to do something stupid…. my answer hung in the air for long seconds and I knew he understood it as an admonishment rather than permission. But his tongue was weaving patterns of fiction so much more attractive than my reality. And my reality, I reminded myself as I plummeted back down to earth, was that I was not at liberty to be stupid.
Still I knew as I walked away that what he had to offer was more than just an inappropriate invitation. I left wishing, yet not, that I could be part of his fantasy. That I could let myself believe in the “world is a stage” theme that he created so brilliantly for himself; all the while knowing that life is so much more than that and wishing with all my heart that it wasn’t.