The dogs got out again- and Lilly insisted on yelling at her sister up until she fell asleep, so that the last words I said to her this day were angry.
Now I am sitting at the computer and my feet are cold and I really have nothing to say except that I am hoping that this…inadequate attempt at expressing something I don’t feel will somehow open up that world in my mind where I go to lose myself in something bigger.
All the incessant noise, meaningless activity, pointless stress, and the hum of my brain on overdrive have me running at the first available opportunity to solitude and a place where I can siphon the nonsense, try to find the shiny coin in the bread pudding- that piece of meaning that somehow makes it all seem worth it.
Only now all I can think of is how many times I went through bowl after bowl of that crap and never found anything- or if I did I held it up to the light only to find that the prize was really only some cheap estimation of something cool and really wasn’t worth all shit I had to swallow to find it…