Best friend of my husband,
I know you mean well and lack a degree in psychology so here are a few pointers:
When he calls you for his weekly brotherly comradely bitch session and tells you I am pissed because he made zero effort for my birthday- don’t just nod sympathetically because you have been there. Consider that maybe you and he are both asses who ought to go to more effort for holidays birthdays. Consider telling him this. Consider that buying the first thing that looks good (usually necklace or lingerie) at the nearest, most convenient store the day OF the event and taking us for dinner at your favorite restaurant- does not make us feel special. Don’t be proud of yourself for this, nor encourage him to be. Remember the expensive piece of electronics that she/I/we spent half a months pay on for your/his birthday? Consider the hours spent talking to one pimply faced teenager after another at the hell hole that is Fry’s, while we tried to discern what video output was and how important it is to you, before shelling out our hard earned savings for this mystifying piece of fun. Consider that we did this all the while knowing that once received would absent you from our presence for weeks, possibly months, while you sat in front of the monitor/TV accompanying the well endowed and skimpily clad ninja Rin in her quest for revenge for her pillaged village and murdered family or other such fun.
Please for my sake and the sake of our friendship don’t pat him on the back for getting me couples Kung fu lessons. Do you think of ME when you hear HHHHIIIIIIIIYYYA!?
Consider this advice. Next year- plan ahead rather than waiting until the last second and calling her at work and saying “uhhhhhhh I still haven’t gotten anything for your birthday and I don’t have a lot of time sooooo….. whadyawant?” This might not make her feel special. Consider putting a little in savings so she doesn’t have to choose between paying the electric bill and letting you take her to dinner because what miniscule amount of money you DID have went to aforementioned necklace. Consider that the months of hints suggestions or outright commands concerning her birthday might not be nagging (though they probably sounds similar to your untutored ear) but rather a GIFT to you to save you lots of time, and money getting her something I/she will HAVE to smile sweetly and actually wear (probably painfully) before chucking into the back of our closet never to be seen again.
Just a suggestion…