I used to be honest-
Presenting myself naked, without gift-wrap or pretenses to gain intimacy with those I trust.
But afterward when I saw my own reflection in their eyes the image portrayed more often than not was a distorted or incomplete picture of myself, as if through the mirror of a fun house. What I saw was me- but compartmentalized, categorized and squeezed up into a tight little box in order to be better understood by the bearer.
So sickened would I be by the reflection that I shrink back, quickly covering my exposure in confusion that my motivations would be so misunderstood by someone I trusted.
First I blamed myself for allowing myself to be placed in a box, or for being one sided in my representation. Then I blamed them for being so shallow in their perception of my nature, or for failing to see the big picture. Now I have settled with resignation somewhere between in the realization that I am just not easy to understand and I have given up trying.
Once I was complaining to Curtis one of my closest friends that my husband just “didn’t get me”. He looked at me without missing a beat and said “Ursula… III don’t get you...”
That sorta said it all. I am not easy to get; at least he doesn’t try.
Kuddos to curtis.